Tomorrow is Super Tuesday. Guess what that means? It means you need to get out and caucus! Why would you do such a thing? Why in the wide, wide world of sports would you suck an hour of your time out of an otherwise pleasant Tuesday evening to go meet your neighbors in a 3rd grade classroom that smells like tuna fish sandwiches (and has posters on the wall depicting Yoda urging you to read) down at the elementary school?
Here is your reason why: do it for the comedians. Remember June 16, 2015? On that day, Donald Trump announced his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States. Am I telling you to go out and caucus for fear of a Donald Trump Presidency? Well, not exactly. I am telling you to go out and caucus because of what happened in nearly every American comedian’s late night monologue that evening. Jon Stewart got verklempt. Steven Colbert did a clever reenactment. Jon Macks, Jay Leno’s writer, penned a piece for CNN called “Donald Trump: God’s Gift to Comedy.” Matt Erickson, the Trump Campaign’s volunteer shill in MN, stated, aptly, “"I supported Trump since July," Erickson said. "Back then, everyone said he was a clown, right? Shares on Trump were trading at, like, two cents on the dollar for gambling…” Tweets from the nation's comedy vanguard were making the rounds.
But guess what? Not too many folks are laughing anymore. Trump is projected to win a majority of states on Super Tuesday tomorrow (including Minnesota), making him the likely GOP nominee for the presidency, beating out quite a few other candidates whom I personally despise, but whom I also, in my middle aged wisdom, can at least admit probably wouldn’t drive our nation into the ground with their shameless buffoonery.
So that is why you should go out and caucus tomorrow. Because on this one, on a Trump candidacy, the comedians no longer serve as the canaries in the coal mine of Democracy. Their storied prescience failed them. See, comedians aren’t generally known for being ignorant of cultural trends. In fact, most folks would say comedians have their fingers on the pulse of cultural sentiment and ably lampoon it, bringing us all back to our senses, keeping we as a people from taking ourselves too seriously, thereby reorienting our sanity and saving Democracy. When we look around the world throughout history, we all see nations which lost their collective minds and started taking themselves too seriously, usually at the urging of a bloviating demagogue whom only the rear view mirror of history unmasks as foolish, or dangerous. And on June 16, 2015, America’s comedians gave it the old college try. They looked toward the heavens and thanked the creator for delivering unto them untold material for the coming 18 months. But what they did not count on was the American people, whose jaded proclivities for entertainment, and exhaustion of all things “political” had driven them to choose style over substance, en masse.
The American people: that’s you. Even if you have no intention of supporting a Trump candidacy, that’s you. So gird your loins and make Trump funny again. Show up for caucus. The comedians of America will owe you a great debt.
You can find your neighborhood precinct caucus location by clicking on this link: http://caucusfinder.sos.state.mn.us Caucuses will be held Tuesday, March 1, at 7:00 p.m. They'll proabaly be held somewhere near your house. Presidential preference balloting is early, so please show up on time if you want to vote.
So, go out and caucus. Don't do it for the kids, do it for the comedians. Make Trump funny again.